I was at dinner the other night, meeting a number of new people and sharing our current passions, when one of the diners confessed something that sounded like a collective emotional sigh: “It’s just wave after wave. I’m hoping for some calm waters, but it feels like it never comes.”
I knew exactly what he meant, because I have lived in that space. For years, I didn’t just experience the feeling, I suffered and toiled in it. I used to view the constant “waves” of challenges, uncertainties, and setbacks as a personal failing. I thought if I hustled more, gained more skills, or simply persevered for long enough that it would finally smooth out. I was hoping and waiting for a season of “calm, gentle waters” that never seemed to arrive.
Fortunately, I’ve had a shift in my perspective; the waves aren’t an indictment against us, nor are we required to calm the ocean.
Most of the time, we have very little power over what sends the waves our way. There are times we are responsible for the swells, their amplitude, velocity, and frequency, but more often then not, the waves are just the cost of life. For many of us, “calm and gentle” isn’t the path we are on. And that is absolutely okay.
We do have to be honest though and recognize there are waves the ocean sends; the external crises, the market shifts, the policy changes. Those are the realities of life and leading a business.
However, there are the waves we invite. We steer into them, or fail to prepare for their coming, through our avoidance of hard conversations, inconsistent boundaries, or unwillingness to develop ourselves and our businesses where we know we need to. We want to blame “the waves” but sometimes we are the ones holding the rudder towards the dark clouds, whether consciously or not.
When we stop trying to hold back the ocean, and accept we have a part in some of the waves hitting us, we can finally focus on where we actually have agency. The agency lies within ourselves; our actions, attitudes, perspectives and moving into a proactive mindset from a reactive one.
We have survived 100% of the waves we’ve seen so far. This is a wealth of experience to draw upon and strong data to support that future waves won’t destroy us. Our focus shouldn’t be on stopping the water, but on steering into the unavoidable waves in the best shape we can.
Once we embrace that it isn’t about the waves, but in the way we sail, the framing changes. The waves are no longer hurdles to be cleared before calm life begins; they are a natural, necessary part of the journey.
What would change for you today if you accepted that ‘calm waters’ simply aren’t the destination?
Written By Andy Evans, Performance & Development Coach